"Everybody Here Wants You"

I'm only here for this moment. I know everybody here wants you. I know everybody here thinks he needs you. I'll be waiting right here just to show you. How our love will blow it all away...


Lately I find myself hiding out in my flat and hibernating a bit. This is very unlike me since people always seem in awe of my energy level and constant socializing. Most of it is due to my volunteer work for the Company and my school-related activities which automatically puts me in a lot of camps. But some of it is simply due to this intricate web of people we now know and an endless stream of parties we are invited to as a result - all of which creates more and more cross-over relationships. To be fair, I also have issues with saying "No" to people (Disease to Please, People Pleaser, doormat?- call it what you will).

But as a friend said last week (after our 3rd run-in that day)..."You are Everywhere". 

And it's true. I am everywhere. And I think this is why I occasionally hide out for a day or two. At times, I actually feel overexposed which I guess is not hard in a small community with a big fish-bowl effect. Because of the work I do for the Company - helping newcomers transition into Lagos, showing them around town and organizing all the special events, I ultimately have my hands in every pot. My Fun Run Club, The American Women's Club, Girl Scouts, Small World, the Nigerian Field Society, my company events, events that other company (the one I worked for) hosts, the School Board, the PTO. I am not an official member of all these clubs but in an effort to help my newcomers find their niche, I have on some level infiltrated all these organizations. I don't golf but I can find someone at the Ikoyi club who can help you apply for membership. My husband is part of a Whiskey Club and my friend's husband is in a Poker club. I can find you a Bible Study class, a Canasta game, a Bunco party. The British Club, Niger Wives, Bitch and Stitch.. you name it, I know it.

Our social life is so intricately weaved with the people in our community that if I want to host a party, I call my friends at the Yacht Club, and at the "big 3" (O&G companies) first just to make sure we aren't scheduling events at the same time and competing for guests. I mean, let's face it- there are only so many expats to go around.

At the same time, I still manage everything happening at home. My nanny's needs, the driver's needs, the kids, the homework, the house. On some level, I have put myself in the middle of everyone else's life which I'm realizing has some disadvantages. It is not uncommon for me to get a text or email from someone asking if I know the street address of a salon or the store hours of a shop. On those days when I am overwhelmed and tired of multi-tasking, I'm tempted to say.. "Sure I do! But so does Google...". I actually received a text from someone at the market asking how much they should pay for lightbulbs. In 18 months, I've never bought a single lightbulb here so how would I know? But you know I followed up with them later to find out. I have a feeling that question could come up again!

The craziest thing is that I don't mind it. I actually love it. I love being able to pull the name of the "milk guy" or the manicurist that comes to your house from my list of contacts at the drop of a hat and help someone out. This is not a normal city. There are no Yellow Pages and stores rarely have any kind of sign out front. The street names have changed so often over the years that the drivers usually only know the old version. Nigerians actually love on-line advertising so there is no shortage of websites devoted to Nigerian owned businesses. The issue is they are often outdated as businesses come and go. Some of the best information is found by Word Of Mouth so if you are in the business of helping people assimilate to a new culture you need insert yourself into that culture - every day.

I just fear that at some point people will tire of me. I fear my role will become that cliche image of the neighborhood welcome wagon that brings the new family a coffee cake with a side of gossip. (except in my case the gossip is about grocery stores or where to find a magician for your kids party).

Still, I don't want to be every-where. But I do like to be where-ever things are happening. 

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