"A (not so) Silent Film"

Yesterday I took the kids to see a movie with two other families that we recently met here. The theatre is in a shopping mall in Lekki called The Palms. It's quite popular as it has a huge grocery store (huge by Nigerian standards - about the size of a small Kroger or the Star Market I grew up with), several electronics store, a store we all call "Little Target", a Woolworths, a KFC, and a small food court. My friend had a brochure with the movie times (not available on-line and if it were, you can't buy tickets in advance) and invited us to see the latest Alvin & The Chipmunks movie - "ChipWrecked". My kids have already seen it ofcourse but that doesn't mean squat on a hot weekday during school vacation! The movie started at 10:50 and we were in line for tickets at 10:15; a miracle given Lagos traffic. The tickets were $500 Naira or about $4 USD and it was the same for children and adults so I was pleased as everything is so expensive here. A good size popcorn was also $500 Naira. The food court had hotdogs, cokes (orange Fanta is very popular here) and some candy but nothing like in the US which was a blessing. As usual, I smuggled some kids' snacks in my purse to avoid the candy prices.

My friend and I assumed it would be quiet since many people are away for the Easter holiday and for the most part it was an almost empty theatre - when we sat down. The flick actually started on time and there was only one preview - amazing! The sound initialy had that same deafening volume that we are used to in the States but because there were so few people, it was lowered after about 10 minutes.

After about 15 minutes, a huge group of children and a few adults filed in - a school field trip we assumed. There was the initial disruption that happens when children are trying to find seats and sit with their friends. Once they were seated, it quieted down. But then they broke out the food. Not the candy or popcorn from the concession stands but actual lunch food from the grocery store in the mall. Disruptive, but comical. 

After what seemed like a long stretch of time, another huge field trip filed in. Since the movie was well underway, it seemed odd but not as odd as when the house lights came on to allow the group enough light to find their seats. The movie wasn't paused however, so our kids seemed genuinely confused as to why the lights were on. Again, it quieted down a bit but then the food came out again! 

The theatre was now quite full and quite noisy so the powers-that-be decided to increase the volume- back to a deafening level. I suspect someone complained because after that, it went back and forth for the duration of the film. My friend said it was like a 2 year old was in charge of the dial - spot on!

To be fair, not hearing the film was not entirely due to the chattiness of the children as the adults were on their cell phones much of the time. Since it was a school field trip, I hoped the conversations were short or business related. Who am I kidding? The adults were just as bored as I was, but probably didn't have access to a quiet game of Words With Friends on their phones like I do.

As is my custom, I gave one of the women that inquisitive stare as if to say, "Is it really necessary to be on your phone right now?" but also basically says "You are so rude". My stare was returned with the usual comeback look. The one that says "Oh sure, like you've never done it."

It's nice to know some things are the same no matter what country you live in!

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'Want More, Need Less'

Praise Jesus, our air shipment arrived this week! The timing was perfect as the kids are out of school all of next week for the Easter holiday. In fact, most of their classmates are leaving Lagos for some pretty exciting places - Istanbul, Cape Town, Italy, the Swiss Alps - sigh. Even if the idea of packing again didn't fill me with dread, we actually can't leave the country because our passports are still at the Embassy awaiting our STR or Short Term Residency card. Under other circumstances, I would use this time to explore our new country or surrounding areas but there aren't too many kid-friendly places outside of Lagos we could go explore right now. Between the heat, the security issues and the need for a company car and driver, it's best to stick close to home - a 'staycation' if you will.

So in between a lot of pool time and a few playdates I managed to schedule with some other families who are in town, my goal is to keep the kids entertained with a multitude of activities that I either planned or packed. And thankfully, I am a packing genius! In addition to the small pharmacy I brought courtesy of Costco (we could shampoo an army!) and all my critical kitchen stuff, this is some of what I put in the air shipment:

• Easter egg dying kits - thank you Target!
• An awesome pop-up tent complete with dress-up costumes, extras for friends
• Portable puppet theatre - with ridiculously cheap hand puppets from Ikea
• Trains, tracks and everything in between
• Bins of crafty supplies- pipe cleaners, glitter glue, popsicle sticks, feathers
• Fun foods - jello, pudding, drink mixes, cookie mix, cookie cutters, sprinkles
• Reusable wall decals to decorate the kids temporary rooms, and later their real rooms
• Make your own jewelry, stamp sets, play-dough
• Scooters - Santa brought them last Christmas and since the compound only has walking paths, the scooters are just the right size. Plus it gets everyone outside.
• If they lose interest in the scooters, I've also got roller blades which I'm told we can use more easily at some of the other company compounds that have more space
• Tennis raquets, baseball bats, and soccer balls - all of which can be used at the compound but also at school since the spring sport is baseball (girls and boys) and "football" (soccer) is basically the national sport!

Despite all of my planning, I am not one to stay cooped up too long. Plus it's important for the kids to undertand that everything takes a bit of extra effort here so I am keen to check out a few places around town that I've heard about. Supposedly there is some kind of little fun park for kids in Lekki- go carts, bouncy castle, carnival like rides. There are also two movie theatres in the city and another family has offered to go with us. I have no idea how it works since an air conditioned theatre is very popular with the locals but we are heavily discouraged from using credit cards on-line.

A little adventure awaits I'm sure!

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'Just Another Day'

 

Today marks the end of our third full week here, two of which have been spent learning the ins and outs of the school day as well as trying out a stewardess that a friend recommended. As a result, I think I'm finally seeing a glimpse of a daily routine, which for me means everything. It's a really busy routine since we are starting from scratch with regards to groceries and household goods and we're using a temporary driver and a company car. Also, we still haven't received our air shipment so we are basically "camping out" in our own flat. This is how I spent most of my days this week:

• 545am: Start coffee (boil water in soup pot and ladle into mug w instant espresso mix)
• Make kids' lunches: Jam Sandwich/PB sandwich and any sad little snack I can muster up - Pringles are popular here but pricey. Canned fruit is all I can find that won't break the bank. 
• Pull school uniforms (Lands End- worth every penny!); do ponytails, pack backpacks
• 645am: Walk K across "compound" to shuttle bus- a breeze thank god and she loves being with the "big kids"
• Make more coffee (boil more water) - make/prep breakfast for E (lunch is slim pickings so best to eat a big brekky)
• 7am: Driver picks E up for work
• Feed/Entertain C who doesn't start school till 930 - groan
• Shower, make to do list, count Naira (everything is cash-only)
• Check emails (midnight in US so not too much action!)
• Pick up, sort laundry for stewardess 
• Entertain C some more/make more coffee
• Accompany C on pre-K shuttle bus to school (me, one other mom and a whole lotta nannies!)
• 9am: Kill time at school till 930 class, chat w moms, get info on where to shop
• 930am: Meet driver outside school, run errands, change US dollars with the local "money changers"
• 10am: Pick up temporary stewardess at her current place of employment
• Fight traffic, work way back to house; give stewardess instructions on laundry etc, discuss menu for upcoming dinners/lunches
• Hit the grocery stores while stewardess cleans, irons, folds. Spend ridiculous amounts of cash on spices, oil, ketchup, deli meat, chicken or fish. Great selection of breads and rice however. Yogurt is a fortune.
• Drop groceries with stewardess and head out for more errands. We need everything from sponges to toilet cleaner. Stewardess politely reminds me we still don't have a proper broom.
• 130pm: Driver takes me back to school to meet K and C who desperately want to take the bus home alone 
• 230pm: Accompany kids on the bus ride home (give me one more week and we'll see). Again, it's me, another mom and every nanny on our route
• 3:00pm: Arrive home to perfectly cleaned house and folded laundry. Dinner prepped. Politely ask Stewardess if she can watch kids while I work out. She is a god-send.
• 4:30pm: Stewardess ready to return to her other job and I'm ready to have my house back. Driver takes her back after bringing E home or she takes an "Okada" one of the many thousands of bikes that drive around Lagos looking for riders. I offer her a measly $500 Naira (~$4) for her ride home and/or a take away dinner. 
• 5:00pm: grab some pool time with the kids before the mosquitos come out, baths, homework, the usual weekday kids' stuff. 
• 6:00pm: Heat up Ready To Go dinner - so thankful!
• Climb into bed exhausted but notice perfectly pressed bed sheets complete with hospital corners. wow.

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"Help, I Need Somebody...Help, Not Just Anybody"

My goal this week was to work on our "staff". I've put this word in quotes because it still feels foreign to me. Or rather, it is not a word I would normally use in every day language. Apparently, this is part of most people's vocabulary around here. 

"Have you hired your staff yet?" seems to be the most common question around.

We have been here 10 days. How am I expected to hire a "staff"? And what exactly encompasses the word "staff"? Clearly it is more than one person. A driver is a given. Most everyone we know or meet has a driver - expats and locals.  Plus it is company policy that you use a driver to and from work. While the primary employee is in the office, the spouse can utilize the driver to take the kids to and from school, run errands, etc. In my opinion the driver is not as difficult to hire as other staff since they have to have passed various company tests and are trained in the company's safety protocols. Most have worked for other families in the company so you can usually find someone through word of mouth.

The challenge for me is the "steward" or helper, or the housekeeper, or the nanny, or the cook, or god willing one person that does some or all of it since I really don't have the energy or the patience for all these people. It just feels odd to share my day with another person. In addition we will be sharing a car - and the driver. Since we arrived, I've talked to a lot of people in an effort to find the best option but as it turns out everyone has a different set-up.

A lot of women with young children have nannies. They may also have a steward who does the marketing and the house keeping. Some people have a steward and a cook. Some have a steward that preps meals during the day but leaves in the afternoon. Some stay all day cooking all three meals including lunch for the employee to take to work.  All of them earn different pay. Many get bonuses. Some utilize the extra housing that the company offers to the employees. The housing is a separate one-bedroom dormitory on the compound with shared bathrooms and kitchens. Sometimes it is called the "steward's quarters" or "the boy's quarters".

And this is where it gets really tricky. Do you offer your extra accommodation to the driver or the steward? We can't drive ourselves and if you need to go somewhere, you typically want to go as quickly as possible because of the traffic. But if your steward is also your housekeeper and your cook, wouldn't you want to make their lives (and let's face it, yours) easier by allowing them to live in your apartment building? 

Today we interviewed both a steward and a driver. It was painful. The two currently work as a team for another family so that felt like a bonus but it became very clear very quickly that I still really don't know what I want from a steward. And if you don't know what you need, you can't discuss expectations or salary. Or bonuses or housing. I am also terrified of making a wrong choice and then having to undo that choice at some point down the road. Frankly, I've heard some horror stories. And who could blame the person? For many people here, being a family's steward comes with room and board and a secure job for the next 3-4 years.

Help.

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'If you want more love, why don't you say so?'

Technically we have been in Lagos for 4 days now. If you don't count the day we landed. That means the last time we slept in beds that we would consider ours (i.e. in our house), with sheets and blankets and an obscene amount of pillows was 17 days ago. That also means I packed our bags about 19-20 days ago. In the big picture, this is no big shock to me as there is always a long transition on either side of a move. But for the kids, 3 weeks is a long time to be living out of a suitcase. And moving beds. And moving cities. And moving continents.

And in the big picture, my kids are doing great. They haven't asked if we can go home, they haven't said they hate it here, they haven't asked for very much at all. But they have been, as of late a huge pain in my ass.

My son, the 5 year old (see below), is in a particularly feisty phase. He is still a baby in so many ways (much more so than K was at 5. Or 3 for that matter). But he is a boy and he is my baby, so I only have myself to blame. He wants so badly to do big boy things - like control me and everything around him and yet he is my pokey puppy. He is barely 35 pounds. He has little legs. He has asthma and food allergies. He tires easily. He is unhappy when he is tired. And let me tell you, we are all tired. So when Mommy does something he does not want to do, this is what we get:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed in the loudest, highest pitched sound you have ever heard. I think it could actually shatter glass.

"Humpf!" followed by whatever toy or book is nearby being kicked in our direction, but not so close that we could claim he injured us.

A huge spitting noise complete with a tongue being stuck out in our direction. I'm not really sure what the word is but Im pretty sure Looney Tunes invented it. A zerbit? Regardless, we are being spit at.

An incessant word being said over and over and over with a sh*t-eating grin of defiance. Usually in the form of "CUCKOO, CUCKOO, CUCKOO, CUCKOO, CUCKOO, CUCKOO". It's like verbal water-boarding.

An 5-year old level insult: "You're mean"; "I don't like you", "Well I'm not talking to you anymore" and my all-time personal favorite - "You're a fart".

The thing is, 50% of the time I hold my ground. I take away his beloved trains. I put him in time-out. I threaten to withhold special activities like pool time and birthday parties (let's face it, always an empty threat). But the rest of the time, especially lately, I just let him crawl up into my lap and let him be grumpy and mean to me. Because the fact that he willingly crawls into my lap and buries his head in my chest and seems completely relaxed tells me he just needs some loving. And to vent. And to be mad. And to call me a fart.

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