'Under the ruins of a walled city'
CKGaither Posted on Wednesday, May 2, 2012 at 04:05PM ;)
I asked if they had always been "living" from one vacation to the next but since everyone had been there for different lengths of time, it was hard to pinpoint. Some had only been there 6 months and hadn't been home yet. Others had hit the one year mark and admitted they were just in need on a longer break. But ultimately, everyone agreed that after a while Lagos just "wears you down".
As I was still in my newbie "everything-is-new-and-exciting" state of mind, I assumed they were just on vacation withdrawal. Until now.
I really do like Lagos. And I have barely scratched the surface of what it can offer. But on those days when you are a bit run down, and things aren't going as planned, the intensity of the city really does grate on you and before you know it, you just hit the wall.
Lagos is very hot. It is very large and there are a lot of people living here. That is a huge understatement. Lagos is 2nd only to Cairo as the largest city in Africa. There are people everywhere and many live or make their living on the streets. Many are actually in the street selling their wares. There is traffic everywhere - cars, taxis, buses, bikes, motorcycles. And of course the people in the street which just adds to the street stress.
What I failed to notice upon arrival was how few public spaces there are - gardens, parks and fountains, promenades, water front spaces, museums or historical sites. Most of the higher end and well cared for properties like government buildings, hotels, galleries and restaurants, are behind huge gated walls. Houses and housing complexes are almost exclusively gated. All have a security booth. So while picturesque properties are there, it's hard to take notice of them. What you do notice is the trash piled up outside or the broken sidewalk leading up to it. It is not uncommon to see a pile of yard waste or discarded building materials like bricks and wheel barrows in front of a nice establishment - sometimes actually in the entryway. Very few businesses have a back entrance or loading dock so trucks are constantly delivering goods at the front entrance of a shop - boxes, dollies, delivery men. Everyday shopping in Lagos is rarely tranquil.
Sidewalks are a novelty. They are there but they seem to be maintained by the property directly in front of it so if you have a nice shop next to an abandoned shop, you have a block of nice sidewalk and then you have cracked pavement or dirt (see pic here). Most of the city's sidewalks are pocked by little vendors selling fruit, bread, newspapers and the like. If there is a gap between two properties, no matter how narrow, there is often a make-shift stall wedged into that space that someone has turned into a business.
What is so remarkable about Lagos is that a huge pile of trash outside a restaurant is in no way a reflection of the quality of that restaurant. It is just a national problem that a very over populated city has not been able to rectify yet. Sadly, some of the most beautiful spots are only appreciated by those that go looking for them and even then it is typically found by word of mouth.
But therein lies the adventure. Finding these gems - and there are hundreds of them - around the city and behind the walls. Coffee shops, cyber cafes, spas and gyms, open air or waterfront restaurants, book shops and art galleries. I have been to a sampling and I know there are more to be found.
The challenge is to avoid hitting the wall so you can look behind it.
'There'll be food on the table tonight'
CKGaither Posted on Friday, April 27, 2012 at 02:58AM 
I spent my morning as I usually do - dropping the kids off and running errands - most of which revolve around filling my cupboards and my fridge. It's a tiresome task that requires I change money with the local "money changers", fight traffic and browse countless shops to fulfill a small grocery list, all of which are expensive. I only say it is tiresome because I have been doing it every day for weeks. I know we are lucky to be in this position but it doesn't mean I don't roll my eyes when the dry cleaner can't make change because the power went out - again. Yesterday my change was $5 Naira. I realized that was about 3 cents and just left it at that. It is actually $.03 cents.
As I have said before, my stewardess is amazing and I know I am lucky to have her. Let's just call her Venus from now on - she is a goddess! She irons our underwear. She mends my hem. She makes cupcakes for my children. She scrubs our toilets. She would cook for us every day if I asked. Venus lives in the "domestic quarters" (or the DQ) of the flat that we will move into in a few weeks. It's a perfect situation because she has been working for a family with small kids for the past 8 years, knows the area very well and dotes on my children. Yesterday she made an appointment for me to meet with the building manager of our new flat to go over the inspection list - basically the painting and small fixes that are done between tenants. I also got a chance to investigate our flat with her, explaining where all our furniture will go as we went along. I suspect (hope!) she will help me unpack so we discussed the kitchen, the master bedroom, K's new "big girl" room (with her own bath!), C's room and the playroom. There is a spacious front balcony overlooking the pool and a back balcony off the dining room. She told me she can use the back balcony to grow herbs and small vegetables in a container garden so I won't have to hunt the markets for basil anymore. Like I said - a goddess!
As we also own the flat that Venus lives in, her quarters gets a bit of "sprucing" too. I asked her if she needed anything else done and she offered to show me her flat.
The Domestic Quarters or Stewards Quarters are typically in a separate building from the Residences. In this case, her building is near the security gate and of course the generator that supports the whole compound. It is the size of a train car and very loud. The tenants (both stewards and drivers) have a small outdoor space which is mostly covered with a clothes drying line. There is a little "kitchen" on each floor that everyone shares. I can't really call it a kitchen because it is more like a janitor's closet. There is a small sink and a counter that holds several "cookers" - like a hibachi grill that has two eyes for cooking. Venus showed me her little cooker- barely enough for my smallest soup pot - definitely not big enough for a frying pan. I asked her if she were interested in getting a new one. She replied "Yes M'am" and after some prodding, shyly and hesitantly agreed to let me buy her one.
Then we went to her flat. There is no way one can ever call this a "flat". It is a room. And I'm not sure you can even say that. It is as long as the length of her bed, (which is a twin) and just wide enough to open the door that leads into it. She has a little bar fridge with her dish drying rack balanced on top of it. There was a small doorless closet that she managed to squeeze a TV into plus a DVD player. There were a few clothes hanging inside and a small basket of shoes underneath. There was a very fancy pair in there that I complimented her on and she proudly told me her sister had given them to her. There was an ancient air conditioning unit in the window and a ceiling fan. I did not see any pictures but the wall had a few little stencils that I suspected she had drawn herself. There is no room for a chair or table even. I asked her if the A/C unit was sufficient and she said she had bought it at a discount when the main units in the residences were upgraded several years ago. I asked her about her little fridge (which had barely any food in it) and she said it was fine except the freezer part (which was empty) wasn't working properly and wasn't big enough to store anything but ice. (ice is a luxury as you need to use filtered water). She showed me the screen to her door which was frayed and letting mosquitos in so we added that to the list of things the property managers needed to fix.
I never saw the bathrooms which I understand are also shared by the tenants on each floor.
Taking a deep breath, I asked her politely if she would let me buy her a new fridge, air conditioning unit and a TV. I assured her that because she has been so good to us the past few weeks, I wanted to reciprocate, to make sure she is happy in her home and has what she needs to be comfortable. As always, she politely responded "thank you M'am". She explained that she knew a repairman who could look at the AC but that the TV was too dated to fix. Her bed had a broken leg that she had rigged with some plywood that the repairman would also fix. I added a bed to the list.
What is so hard about this situation, is that it is by no means a reflection of how her former employer took care of her. Or how our company provides for the employees or their staff. This is typically how all domestic staff live regardless of what company owns the residence. After asking several friends, many of them admitted they had never seen the domestic quarters but they would agree, when asked, to upgrade furnishings, clothes, cell phones, etc. Many pay for health insurance for their employees. Some pay for school supplies and uniforms for their staff's children.
I know Venus has a daughter about the same age as my daughter. She lives in Ghana and until now I have been hesitant to ask who takes care of her and how. Tomorrow I am going to take a few more deep breaths and ask if she will let me help. My Venus deserves so much more than this.
'Someone That I Used to Know'
CKGaither Posted on Wednesday, April 25, 2012 at 03:17AM ;)
At first glance E and I don't appear to have very much in common. We are from different parts of the US, had different childhoods, and for the most part have different hobbies. I like live music, running, social networking, blogging, and watching heavy hospital dramas. He listens to Blues and Classical music, swims, reads The Economist, and could watch 'Airplane' twelve times a day and never tire of it. We do have some things in common - we both played soccer, went to the same small New England college, love traveling and exploring new places, and thankfully, we share a similar sense of humor.
There is one experience, however that we seem to share. Whenever we meet someone new, people always think they have met us before. Always. It doesn't matter where we are or what the context is - a party, the office, airports, poolside. When and if we meet someone new and introduce ourselves, they swear they have met us before.
E's experience is slightly different than mine in that he is often mistaken for someone else. I can't count the number of times he has come back from a work out, a restaurant, a football game, and told me how a stranger walked by and shouted, "Hey Man, good to see you! It's been a while!" and continued on. Or better yet, when we go to a new restaurant, the manager will welcome us back, saying how nice it is to see us again. This is an excellent advantage when dining at a fancy restaurant!
In my experience, I am never mistaken for someone else. But rather, I am told that I have met this person before. Since I do have a spotty memory, I worry that I have forgotten the person's name. But usually I am somewhere I have never been so the chances are slim. "I know I've met you"; "Didn't we meet before?" "You are so familiar, I'm sure we've met" is usually what I am faced with.
This has happened to me about 10 times in Lagos so far - two when we were on our preview trip in February. Last week, the wife of the US Consul General in Lagos told me point blank in front of a sea of people that she was sure she had met me before. How do you respond to that?
A friend who was with me thought it was amusing as I told her how common it is. I used to think it was because I was ordinary, or worse, a carbon copy of a million east coast liberal arts types. She told me she thought I had 'one of those faces' and as an outgoing person who is eager to meet new people, I come across in a familiar way. Another woman at our table said she thought I looked like a celebrity (wahoo!) but one that no one could place (boo!). Meanwhile, I've been told I look like Lady Di, Gillian Andersen, Jennifer Grey (pre-nose job!), Claire Danes, and the girl from the ill-fated but oddly addictive Covert Affairs. Hmmm, I'll take that.
I don't really mind it when this happens, but I will never understand how in the 2nd largest city in Africa, one where I am clearly a minority, the most common question I am asked is 'haven't we met before?"
(PS- I love this song waaaay before SNL or Glee!)
CKGaither
About 10 minutes after I posted this, E came home to tell me about an important meeting he had with a VP who insisted that had met before. To be fair, they worked for the same company over 10 years ago, but there are only a few female executives in the O&G biz so I'm sure E would have remembered meeting her!
'Woman be still..'
CKGaither Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 10:30AM ;)
"Do you knit?" asked one friend innocently.
"Whot?" What the H does that mean? They proceeded to tell me there was no point in learning how to cook, because we would employ a cook. The kids will be looked after by our nanny, there are often curfews and restrictions on where to go, you have to have a driver with you at all times whom you also share with your husband, and since my husband will be worked to the bone, what appears to be "free" time, will not actually be very free. In fact your job is to manage the household staff and everything that keeps the household running.
But if you know me, then you know I am incapable of sitting at home. Or sitting still for that matter. Maybe for a pedi, but even then I am multi-tasking on email or facebook or journaling in an effort to figure out what I can plan next. This situation really concerned me and I was determined not to let a culture with domestic help at the ready send me down a path where I might sit, and knit.
So here we are 5 weeks into our assignment and I can tell you, I DO NOT have time to knit. And even if I did have time to knit, I wouldn't be doing it at home. I am just too busy. We have hired a stewardess who helps cook and clean, so it seems odd that I would spend my days running from one thing to the next. But since she seems to work just as efficiently as I do, and independently (a rarity I'm told!), then I am free to spend my time how I wish. While she is at the house, I am all over town - school drop offs for both kids, meetings with the American Women's Club, endless grocery shopping (an adventure in itself which I actually enjoy), interviewing drivers, seeking out the best coffee/health club/dry cleaners/hair dressers/salads/steak house/school supplies/kid-friendly restaurants, researching vacation spots, filling in the gaps at our flat - lamps, appliances, lunch boxes, coffee makers, sheets and towels.
The amazing thing is I haven't even started the activities I really want to do - volunteer with street children, join the school PTO, take tennis, join a running club, a book club, a dinner club. My list, albeit slightly different, continues to go on and on.
You know, a nanny doesn't sound too bad!
'Let's See How Far We've Come'
CKGaither Posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2012 at 10:15AM 
- Survived the flight, the jet lag and putting everyone on anti-malarials
- Managed to vacate the hotel after only 10 days compared to the dreaded 3-4 months many of our colleagues were forced into; set-up our temporary flat thanks to the company housing office and an undamaged air shipment
- Successfully got the kids into their respective classes, complete with school uniforms, the required school supplies, and managed to squeeze K into the last half of the term for Swim and Gymnastics
- Hired temporary stewardess to help with cleaning, laundry, light cooking, babysitting
- Can routinely get cash through "money changers" without being taken advantage of
- Got the wifi hooked up (Apple Airport rocks!) and got my iphone working on the local system (thank you Steve Jobs!)
- Found the 5-6 boutique shops that import fresh produce, meats, and fish which cost a fortune and are not too appealing at the local stores; staples like rice, canned goods, bottled water, milk and cleaning supplies can be found at the main stores - a bit like a small Woolworths
- Spent a day exploring the beach and the lagoons, hanging with friends at a traditional beach hut sans electricity- a blast!
- Have met and befriended people outside the compound, people with other companies, non-expats, and even found some cool women to run/work out with
- Joined AWC (American Women's Club) and subsequently got roped into various volunteer activities which I'm sure will keep me busy for Month Number Two.
phew!