"Fix You"

"When you try your best but you don't succeed.. When you get what you want but not what you need"

The last two weeks have felt manic. A whirlwind. A constant stream of ongoings that has launched me into a state of dizziness. If I'm not in overdrive then I walk around in a fog knowing I'm forgetting something but I'm just not sure what. Most likely I haven't forgotten anything; I'm just convinced I should have done more with my time. Knocked one more thing off my list.

As usual I have no one to blame but myself. This is what I do. I hurl myself head first into newness. I'm a joiner. I'm a hand-raiser. I'm a problem solver. At least I like to think I am. My new role at E's company, Girl Scouts, the American Women's Club, school activities, homework, my (sad) attempt at taking up tennis again, and a minor obsession with taking other newbies under my wing. It's a lot. It is probably too much. But I am a people-pleaser. I have what my friend Melissa used to call, "The Disease to Please". I have trouble saying NO. Especially when I am the New Girl.

It's text book. When one is thrown into a new situation with new people, one is ultimately at a crossroads. Most of us really only have 2 choices: Wallflower or Social Butterfly. I think we all know I am not a Wallflower. But I don't have to be the Chief either. I'm happy to be an Indian. Just give me an assignment and I will make it happen. But therein lies the rub. I'm the new girl. Living in a town full of people looking for things to happen. Looking for some glimpse of their old life - Halloween parties, Chili cook-offs, auctions, brownie-badge-earning events. It's like an event-addict buffet. And I have the very unfortunate advantage of having worked in both the non-profit and corporate arenas; most of which involved some aspect of event planning and fund-raising. As my little brother would say, Yaht-zee!

But no one is forcing this on me. I signed up for all these activities. And now I have to deliver. Which is what keeps me up at night. Because let's face it, there's no Costco. No Arne's. No Texas-size tent company to help me pull all this together. We're talking about a culture that deals with cash and cash only; the largest bill being worth about $7 USD. Last week I bought hot dog buns from some little shack near the round-about. They were terrific and home-made but I never would have found it if not for word-of-mouth. I looked into ordering some mylar helium balloons only to find out a batch of 5 was almost $70 USD. (and I was just going to stick them outside so people weren't lost!). 

Next week is critical. I am still recruiting and training a team for my "little job". I've got parent-teacher conferences. I am decorating and working a Membership Tea for the American Women's Committee at which I am meant to advertise a Halloween party I have yet to plan. I am manning (woman-ning?) a booth at an HR People's Fair for E's Company. Everyone in the family needs a haircut.

Somewhere in there I have to pack and prepare for a 10 day holiday in South Africa followed by a 4 day trip to Dubai. Clearly, I am thrilled about these trips but it also means going off the grid for longer than I would like. The amount of work I have to get done before we leave feels insurmountable. 

It's a good thing I am spending tomorrow at a Beach Clean Up day with the Girl Scout Troops. Otherwise I might really start to worry.

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